Not Tonight
by ncislove
Summary: Gibbs/Tony - Slash. Don't like, don't read. Gibbs is having a hard time dealing with the loss of his wife and daughter on the anniversary of their deaths and pushes Tony away.


I'm not making any money off of this, so don't sue. Just using the characters, but I'll put them back where I found them when I'm done.

This was requested by my friend Wendy. Hope you like it!!!

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Tony raised his eyebrows in a silent question for the third time that afternoon. Gibbs has long ago told him that he didn't need to ask to come over, that his house was just as much Tony's as it was his. But Tony still wasn't 100% secure in his position in Gibbs' life.

After successfully avoiding Tony's hopeful glances all afternoon, he looked up to see Tony standing in front of his desk.

"Gibbs?"

The others had already gone home for the weekend, so it was okay for them to speak quietly. "I… Not tonight Tony. Just… not tonight."

"Yeah, ok. Sure boss." Tony turned back to his desk to grab his backpack.

"Tony, I just…"

Tony glanced back at him over his shoulder with an understanding smile. "I know. It's okay. Really, it is."

Gibbs let out a small sigh and nodded. He hated to push Tony away, but he didn't know what else to do.

---

Tony waited until the time he and Gibbs usually headed to bed and then got in his car. Normally, when Gibbs was upset about something he wouldn't let Gibbs push him away so easily.

But today they had all been walking on eggshells around him. They were all well aware that it was the 18th anniversary of Kelly and Shannon's deaths. Abby had been the only one to dare to offer any comfort. Tony had held his breath when Abby first wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug, but let out a sigh of relief when Gibbs seemed to relax into her arms. He wished he could hug Gibbs like that in public, but only Ducky and Abby knew about their relationship, so they kept their interactions strictly professional in the office… or as professional as they had always been.

In the beginning Tony had been jealous of Gibbs' close relationship with the forensic scientist, worried that their 'dinner dates' were code for something a little more intimate. Now he was glad that Abby was there for their boss when he couldn't be.

He pulled up to Gibbs' dark house and worried for brief moment that Gibbs had headed to the cemetery. Gibbs' car was in the driveway though, so Tony parked, gave himself a quick pep-talk and headed for the door.

_He needs you, he wants you, he loves you._ It was his standard mantra whenever Gibbs was upset about something, or Tony felt insecure.

He was pleased to find the front door locked – it was something he'd insisted on when he started spending the night, but apparently the habit had stuck.

He let himself in with the key on his key ring and kicked his shoes off by the front door. After locking up and hanging his jacket in the closet, he headed upstairs.

Hesitating just outside Gibbs' bedroom, he pushed the door open and headed in. Gibbs was on his back, his eyes were closed and his body tense.

"Tony, I said not tonight."

The way his voice shook broke Tony's heart in a way that he couldn't describe. "I know." He moved forward to the bed and then crawled over the covers until he was at Gibbs' side. Draping an arm over Gibbs' chest, Tony kissed his temple and then nuzzled his cheek. "But I just want you to know you aren't alone."

Gibbs reached up and wrapped his hand around Tony's arm and pulled it tighter to his chest. "I know. Thank you."

Tony left one last lingering kiss on Gibbs' cheek and started moving back off the bed until Gibbs stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

"The couch. I can spend a night on the couch while you sort through your thoughts. I just want you to know I'm nearby if you need me."

"You don't have to, you can stay."

"It's okay, really. I'm not tired yet and there is a marathon of Intervention on A&E tonight."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Gibbs' mouth. "You and your sick obsession with that show."

"I know. I'll be downstairs if you need me. Night Jethro."Tony gave a cheeky grin and then pulled the door closed behind him. It didn't take long for Tony to make himself comfortable on the couch, slightly slouched with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

He was half-way through his first episode when he heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. He watched silently as Gibbs circled the coffee table and sat beside him before swimming his legs up and resting his head on Tony's lap.

Tony took it as an okay to touch, so he slid his fingers through Gibbs' hair, much like Gibbs often did to him when he'd had a bad day. He was mid-stroke when he realized Gibbs' shoulders were shaking. Continuing the slow pull of his fingers through Gibbs' hair, Tony slid his other hand down Gibbs' arm to hold his hand.

The TV long forgotten, Tony continued to run his fingers through Gibbs' hair, thinking of what Gibbs' life would be like if he hadn't lost Shannon and Kelly. He would give up Gibbs in a millisecond if it meant Gibbs could have his girls back, but he knew that was impossible.

He still wondered though, if they hadn't died, would he still work with Gibbs at NICS? Would they be close? Would Shannon invite him to dinner after work? Tony had long ago decided against kids of his own, but he liked kids. Cool kids, not the geeky kind he was sure McGee was. But Kelly was Gibbs' kid, so of course she would have been cool.

Counting back the years, Tony realized that Kelly would've been in her mid twenties by now, and a small smile tugged at his lips when he realized that more than likely he would've flirted shamelessly with her until Gibbs head-slapped him into next week.

Tony wondered if he would have still felt the same lust and eventual love for his boss. Not that he would have tried to come between Gibbs and Shannon, but he wondered if he would have spent his life caring for the boss from afar.

Suddenly Tony realized that his fingers were hitting Gibbs' scalp in a different way than before. He looked down and saw a pair of blue eyes looking up at him.

"Hey." Tony skimmed his hand along Gibbs' cheek, drying the last of few tears that had fallen.

"You okay?"

"Me?" Tony smiled. "Are you okay?"

"You had this look, like maybe you were tired…" Gibbs shrugged. It was usually this time of year when the women he was with decided they couldn't, or wouldn't handle his baggage and left him.

"Tired? Tomorrow is Saturday. I can watch sports center all day. We're off rotation, aren't we?"

"Tony, that's not what I meant, I-"

Tony cut him off by placing his hand over his mouth. "Shut up, I know what you meant and chose to ignore it."

Gibbs kissed the palm placed over his mouth and nodded. "Thanks."

"Welcome. You can make it up to be sometime. Now get back to bed and get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

Gibbs allowed Tony to push him up and once he was on his feet he pulled Tony up too. "Come with me."

"It's okay you know, if you need time alone. Really, I'm fine on the couch."

"Nah, I want you next to me tonight." Gibbs gave his hand a little tug. "Please?"

"Yeah, yeah okay." Tony turned the TV and lamp off and they headed slowly up the stairs with Tony slightly in front.

"She would've been 26 this year." There was an air of sadness in his voice, but warmth at the same time. He liked that he felt that he could share with Tony. It might make the burden of carrying the sadness a little less heavy on his heart.

"Real pretty too, I bet." Tony braced for the head slap that ended up being more of a pet than a slap.

Tony tossed his shirt toward the clothes hamper and then did the same with his jeans. Gibbs was already back in bed and was pulling the covers back when Tony finally crawled in beside him. Usually it was Tony that clung to Gibbs at night, but as soon as Tony was on his back, Gibbs was at his side.

Gibbs wrapped an arm around Tony and rested his head on the younger man's shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to his collar bone. Tony was almost asleep when Gibbs lifted his head.

"Tony?"

"Hmm?" Tony raised his head so he could look at Gibbs.

"I still love them, but I love you too."

"I know." Tony leaned into the gentle kiss that Gibbs offered. "I love you too."


End file.
